Eighteen Months Read online

  “Me too,” said Kirsten. She’d put a long, cotton strip around my hairline to catch drips. I could feel the cold liquid being squirted onto the curlers in my hair. More chemicals, this time determined to kink up my short hair.

  After about forty-five more minutes, and three additional cigarettes, the perm was done and my head was covered with tight, springy curls. I ran my fingers through the wet mass.

  “Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “I can hardly get my fingers through them!”

  “That’s the way they’re supposed to be,” Kirsten noted. “I used the ultra-strong hold perm so they won’t relax any either. That way, the style will hold until it’s redone in ten weeks. Time to color. I think we should go with a level-three, slightly warm dark brown. Okay?”

  “Yeah, whatever you think might look right. It’ll be invisible to me anyway.”

  And so that’s what she did to me. Now I was a brunette – a very dark brown one according to Kirsten, as my hair had sucked up the color – with my kinky-curly hair trimmed to an even length all over. She showed me how to fluff it up, and flick some of the curls so they barely touched my forehead.

  Rina had apparently returned to the room then. “Wow, Alie! You look great! Honest.”

  “Even my brows?” I said hopefully.

  “No, I was talking about your hair.” She and Kirsten proceeded to congratulate each other and me for looking so great. Whoopee.

  They led me to another room where I was introduced to the manicurist, who sounded really young. While she did my pedicure and manicure, someone else entered and started on my brows. I let Kirsten, who’d apparently decided to hang out with us for a while since her day was now over, tell the eyebrow girl what she thought should be done. I felt the warm wax and the paper applied as my Madonna-like brows were ripped away.

  After one round, Kirsten suggested they should be reduced in thickness further, and so she waxed me again. “How’s that?” The eyebrow artist asked. “Thin enough?”

  “Yes, that’s plenty thin,” Kirsten answered as I gulped. I reached up to feel them and all I could detect with my sensitive fingertips was a thin line with slightly less arch than I’d had before.

  “What do they look like?” I asked, afraid of the answer. I suspected the artist had gotten impatient with Kirsten wanting them redone thinner and took it out on me.

  “Very slick, very sophisticated,” Kirsten said, with no detectable doubt in her voice. “They complement you and balance your face perfectly.”

  “They’re stunning,” Rina offered. “And they draw attention to themselves and away from where your eyes are pointing. This was a really good idea.”

  They seemed so positive that I relaxed some. I was as I was. There wasn’t anything I could do about it. At least I couldn’t see my hair or brows. For one brief moment, it was good that I was blind.

  Of course, if I hadn’t been, none of this would have happened in the first place.

  According to Rina, my nails were a rich, deeper red. I normally wore my fingernails and toenails medium length, with a reasonable amount of white showing on the tips if they weren’t polished. They were both cut very short – as short as possible - a length the manicurist had chosen as best for me. I didn’t care. They probably looked alright. I do have pretty hands and feet. Now my nails were short. That was fine by me. There’d be nothing to break off if this blind girl banged into things.

  I took a break and lit another cigarette. They were going to do my eyelids and lips next. That meant tattooing both of them! Oh my God!

  In an hour I was done. Apparently I had medium-thickness, sable liner on both my upper and lower lids. My lips, which hurt like the devil when they were essentially tattooed, were a blood red, according to Rina, but not as dark as my nails. I wondered how they’d look when I became a blonde again, after my vision returned. Who knows? I’d always worn dark coral colors before, not very exciting, but pretty. Maybe I’d stay a brunette. I wondered if I’d like dark brown hair, once I could see it.

  You’re still Natalie, I kept telling myself. Or Alie. I guess I was Alie. I didn’t have much in common with Natalie anymore, and I certainly didn’t look like her. But I was still Natalie, right? I am not my hair.

  I hoped.

  We left. Rina wanted to go clubbing again. She kept absolutely raving about how great I looked, almost to the point that I started to believe her. At one point, I thought she might actually be hitting on me, but I rejected that as ridiculous.

  Since I could feel that my lips were kind of puffy and they definitely were sore, I told her no, not tonight. She made me promise to go with her tomorrow. I tentatively agreed.

  When I got home there was a message from Rod. He’d called! I called him back and we agreed to meet at the club where we’d first met, tomorrow night. I told him he wouldn’t recognize me, and to be prepared to be surprised. But I made him promise to give me his honest impression.

  As I sat there in my darkness listening to music, the thoughts of this whole day and the sort-of-date for tomorrow made me anxious. So I did what I’d been taught to do – I lit another cigarette. By the time I’d gone to bed, I’d smoked 21 for the day, several of them not even from my private stash.

  Chapter 7 – Need You Tonight

  Since the next day was a Saturday, I slept in. In my first ten days in River’s Edge, my east-facing bedroom had been far too bright in the morning so I would have gotten up anyway. That problem was gone now. The windows still faced east, but my only way of detecting the sun was by its warmth. That actually helped keep me asleep. It was 10:35 by my talking watch when I rolled out to face the day. Not that I could see any of it.

  I wasn’t supposed to wash my hair for 48 hours. I could tell by feeling it that the mousse had kept it slightly stiff and in place. I don’t roll around much when I sleep, so I probably didn’t frizz it up any. It was so springy-curly that it didn’t even feel flat in the back where I’d lain on it.

  My lips were still sore and a little puffy. My eyelids felt okay.

  Almost without thinking about it, I groped for my cigarettes and lit one. What the heck, I’d agreed to smoke a pack a day until the carton was done, and I felt like having one. It was actually pretty good. Maybe really good. It tasted okay; it woke me up; and it gave me a boost.

  I didn’t mind smoking, but I had no intention of continuing once I’d proven to Rina that I now understood why it might be helpful to some people, and still didn’t want to be a smoker.

  Right before lunchtime, my doorbell rang. Oh no! I thought. What am I going to do? This was the first time someone had arrived unexpectedly since I’d lost my sight. Actually, it was the first time anyone had come to the door since I’d moved to River’s Edge.

  What could I do? I made my way to the door and opened it. I tried to look where I thought the visitor’s head might be and said, “Hi.”

  “Hi! I’m Megan and this is Lindsey. We live a few blocks away and we wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood!”

  Yeah, she sounded perky. Like I probably used to. But her intentions were good, I assumed.

  “Thank you,” I managed to say. “I’m … Natalie, but everyone here calls me Alie.”

  I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. “Well, this is nice! Would you like to come in?”

  “Sure!” Another voice, I assume Lindsey’s, replied.

  I managed to unlatch the screen door and let them into the living room. I motioned to where I thought the couch was, and sat in the recliner.

  “You’re blind?” Megan asked easily, like it happened all the time.

  “Yes. I’m totally without sight.” I’d been told to say that, since some legally blind people can see some shapes or patches of light. “Black on black,” I added.

  “We didn’t know. Usually, they tell us about any handicaps for new residents in New Brighten.

  New Brighten was the River’s Edge neighborhood or subdivision where my house was.

  “That’s okay.”

>   “We brought you a basket of goodies from the folks nearby. I hope you can enjoy them.”

  “How nice!” I said. I honestly did think that the gift was very nice. Even blind, I’m not grumpy and cynical all the time. I reached out for the basket. Someone handed it to me and went through everything in it, taking my hand to touch each item. There was a lot of stuff there!

  “Wow!” I said. “That’s very generous of you.”

  “We’re glad to do it. This is a very tight community. Besides, some of your association fees will contribute to doing this for the next person.”

  I laughed and assured them that I thought that was a worthy cause. I only hoped I’d find a way to make the money to pay the fees! I didn’t tell them that.

  “You’re very beautiful,” Lindsey said.

  “Why thank you,” I said, genuinely pleased. “This is a new look for me and I have no way at all of judging how I look.”

  “I think spectacular would pretty much hit it,” said Megan this time.

  “My hair is naturally straight and blonde,” I couldn’t resist saying.

  “I would never have known,” Megan said. “If you don’t mind me saying so, I think this is the right look for you. It’s really off-the-charts excellent.”

  “Ha!” I laughed. “You’re too kind.”

  “I’m truthful,” Megan said, in a no-nonsense voice.

  That made me feel good, but I tried to divert the conversation to the neighborhood and other topics.

  As they were leaving and Lindsey was, apparently, out the door, Megan turned to me and said, “Can I call you sometime, to spend some private time with me?”

  Because I was still unsure about the source of or reason for Rina’s friendliness, that might have been my first lesbian come-on. I didn’t care about that or how she looked. But there was one thing I needed to know. “Do you really want to spend time with a blind girl?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I wasn’t going to get into bed with her, but I could use some company now and then. I was a femme-femme virgin, of course, and didn’t have any plans of relinquishing that title. We could be friends, though. “Then call me,” I told her, perhaps naively.

  “I’ll make it worth your while,” she said and left.

  **********

  About 6:00 that evening, I started to get ready for the club – and Rina and Rod. Now I was glad that Rina had arranged my closet and my drawers, and made me memorize what was where. I found my low-cut, sleeveless dress blouse, a phat, navy miniskirt, and black thong panties – the only thong I owned. I put the blouse on without a bra – no need for one with these little “B” tits. I topped it off with 4” heeled sandals that showed my short-nailed, pretty (I assumed) red toes.

  I put on foundation, being careful to avoid my brows, eyelids, and still sore, still swollen lips. I smoked another cigarette, my 14th of the day. These weren’t so bad. As I was stubbing it out, the bell rang. It was Rina.

  “Holy shit! You look great!” She exclaimed.

  “So do you!” I mimicked her enthusiasm.

  “Huh?”

  “I love your killer outfit and your hair is fantastic!” I said, pouring it on.

  “What? You mean you can … Ah, you asshole. You’re feeding me a line of shit.”

  “But I had you for a moment there.”

  “Bitch.”

  “Fuck Bunny.”

  “Alie, coming from you? The word ‘fuck?’ Well, I never …”

  “I’m not as innocent as you seem to think I am.”

  “Yes you are.”

  I paused for a moment. “Yeah, okay, I am. Don’t tell anyone.”

  “No need, everyone knows it already. But tonight, we’re gonna change that perception.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “I will, you won’t.”

  “Oh … yeah. You never stop reminding me, do ya?”

  “I will when you forget about it.”

  “Forget about being blind?”

  “No, forget about ever being anything but blind. It’s best for you, you know.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah …”

  “It is.”

  “Okay, sensei, I’m agreeing with you.”

  “You have a very irritating way of doing that.”

  “Deal with it.” At this point, I was laughing and so was Rina.

  “You’re meeting Rod there, right?”

  “I sure hope so.”

  “Okay, if you hook up, I’ll make my way home on my own, don’t worry.”

  “Duh. But what if you hook up and I don’t?”

  “Then you make your way home on your own.”

  “HOW?”

  “Get a taxi; use your cane. Whatever works. You’re an adult.”

  “A very recently blind one!”

  “Gotta learn to work with what you have.”

  Obviously, I wasn’t going to get a break from her, whether or not we were becoming good friends. If I got stranded, Rina expected me to deal with it, blindness notwithstanding. Had she been a swimming instructor, her approach would have been to toss the novice into the deep end and leave them to struggle.

  “Ready to go?” She asked.

  “I did everything else, teacher, can you help me with eye shadow?”

  “Yes.” And she did. We left, got to the club, ate a quick snack and then started some serious drinking.

  About a half hour later, Rina said, “I see Rod just came in. I’m gonna duck down, see if he recognizes you.”

  Five minutes later, I still hadn’t heard Rod call to me. Rina was laughing. “What?” I said.

  “He’s walked by three times, looked directly at you twice, and didn’t recognize you at all.”

  “Oh great.”

  “Here he comes again.”

  “Where is he?”

  “In front of you, about ten feet away, at two o’clock.”

  I waited a moment. “Hey sailor!” I called out. “Can you help a blind girl?”

  “ALIE?” I heard him exclaim. “ALIE, IS THAT YOU?”

  Oh God, what had I done – or rather, what had I let Kirsten and Rina do to me? I panicked.

  “She did this to me,” I said as I pointed to where I thought Rina was.

  “Holy shit, Alie! You look fucking incredible … sorry … you look absolutely gorgeous!”

  “Really? You didn’t recognize me.”

  “I DO NOW! WOW, WOW, WOW! I didn’t think you could be hotter than you were, but you are! I love your hair! Your makeup is different and I love it too!”

  “Honest?”

  “I’ve never been more honest. Damn, girl! You’re as desirable as any lady could be! Will you marry me?”

  “Ha!” I had to laugh. “We’ll see. Ask me again in a couple of months.”

  “I’ll put it on my calendar.” I heard him move toward me, then felt his lips on mine. I was feeling very, very happy at that moment and my return kiss reflected it, I was sure.

  We danced and drank and smoked and laughed and danced and smoked some more. There was a dance contest and Rod and I won it easily. Two-hundred bucks prize money! I wanted to split it, but he made me keep it. He said I could win with any partner, but he only stood a chance if he were with me.

  So I kept it, planning to spend it on the three of us anyway.

  Rina slipped out and Rod took me home. I really liked this guy.

  I invited him in, of course, and we sat on the couch talking for a long time. He held my hand or put his arm around me and I found I was in a snuggling mood. Jaxson was never much of a snuggler, so this was something of a new experience, or a renewed experience.

  We talked about our past, getting to know each other a little better. He got me to open up about being blind. I had to fabricate part of the story; I didn’t know him well enough to tell him it was a plea bargain designed to keep me out of jail, at least not yet. He did ask me an interesting question: what kind of hobbies or interests did I have. Implied in that was ‘did I have, now that I’m bli
nd,’ though he didn’t say that.

  I told him I was an avid painter and that I preferred an “impressionist-randomist” style of painting that allowed one to use any colors, since I couldn’t tell one from another.

  He didn’t say anything for the longest time. Then I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and started laughing. That was one of my first being-blind jokes, such as it was.

  “That was a joke?” He asked.

  “Uh … duh! Yeah, it was a joke!” It struck me as particularly funny at that moment.

  In retaliation, he started to tickle me. He pinned me down to the couch. It was awful – awfully great! When he realized I’d had enough, and needed to catch my breath, he stopped and his mouth pressed against mine in one of the best kisses any guy has ever given me. It went on and on, our tongues fencing, our lips pulling every ounce of sensitivity and feeling out of each other. I forgot that my lips were still slightly sore. For that matter, I forgot that I wasn’t breathing.

  He finally pulled back a little, but I could still feel his warm breath close to my face. “I want you, Rod,” I whispered. I’d never done it on the second date – if this were even a date – but it felt right. Of course, I’d only ever done it with two other guys. I think I was experiencing a little recklessness from everything that had happened to me since I’d left the East Coast.

  Rod got up and lifted me into his arms before I could rise from the couch. He carried me into the bedroom, and stood me beside the bed. I started to undress. I heard him doing the same thing. Our clothes were in a wad on the floor. That was something I’d been taught not to let happen. For a blind person, it was asking for trouble. That said, I was not going to spoil the moment by playing Suzie housekeeper.

  My arms reached up to Rod, encircling his neck. We kissed again. His hands were in my short curls, pulling my lips into his. He was a superb kisser. He picked me up again and laid me on the comforter. “Stay on top. I want to be able to see you,” he said.

  “That seems unfair,” I teased.

  “I’ll make it up to you.”